These last few posts have been challenging to write. I am sure that they have been challenging to read as well. I am not primarily in this to be popular or to make this huge. I write to share my experiences. I write in the hope that some may learn from them and avoid future mistakes. It’s difficult to admit the truth of things that really go on in life. I get that. I denied what was really going on for the longest time. That’s because it’s difficult just to admit what I did wrong. It’s so much easier to blame others for my role in things. It’s so much easier not to challenge my own view on things This series on Domestic Violence have been the most challenging of all the posts I have ever written. The things I will be writing on are the solution and solution is more painful than admitting the problem.
Believe me when I say that when I went through all of this process that it’s worth going through. It’s worth seeing things for how they are. Only then, can they be fixed. Continuing to put the head in the sand, only ensures the continuation of the cycle. I advise paying attention to and challenging all thinking. Do those thoughts stand the test of reality? Are those thoughts harmful or helpful to a healthy, functioning life? Even though it may be difficult, do I really want to obtain a better life.
There is a scripture in the Christian Bible. 2 Corinthians 2: 5 reads “Take every thought captive.” Whatever your religious beliefs, that’s exactly what should be going on. That is the standard that I attempt to live up to. I don’t do it perfectly, but I do it the best that I can and it has served me well.
We all have stories whether we write them down or not. Whether we are aware of them or not, we all have stories that can be told, if we only pay attention. The stories all matter. We all have challenges that are unique to each one of us. Some things that I write will not apply to some but will apply to others. Fortunately, my story continues on. Starting out, it was quite a depressing one. However, when I started to challenge my prior thinking, despite the fears, I started to change for the better. In the end, I was able to keep who I am and become a better me.
Now, I am very happy and am full of joy. This would never be had I never choose to face things. I am determined that my story will have a happy ending. Despite the difficulties that Jennifer goes through in the story that I am writing, I do plan on having a happy ending for her as well. Going through this there were two choices to make. They are basic choices that stem from the back of my brain. Do I choose to fight or flight? Do I choose to fight to keep my family? Do I fight to get away from dangerous situations? Do I choose flight? Do I choose to flee, running and hiding from my problems?
In the end, I chose to stand with what little strength I had at the time and continue to stand firm. I decided that I would live the life that I wanted to live. I chose to fight for myself and for my family. There were times that I chose to fight by fleeing a dangerous situation because there was no other way to be safe. There is no shame in leading a retreat to regroup for later. In the end, I won and everything in my life is better for the hard choices I made. This is a life that I never imagined I could live as a child.
In future posts, the story with Jennifer will continue. I will chronicle what happened to get better.
Crazy No More 