The persecutor was a role that I did not play very much and tried to avoid. That would be the next logical title and role that I would write on. I don’t have much experience to write on about this role but I will write what I can.
Early on in my life, I could see the harm persecutors were doing to myself and those I knew. I didn’t know that they were persecutors but I thought at the time that they were the bad guys because it appeared they were the ones doing harm. Despite my best efforts, I became the persecutor when I couldn’t contain the trauma inside of me anymore. To fill the role, I excused my behavior because it wasn’t very often. I justified it thinking that I was a good person due to my focus on other people. If I were to have placed importance on myself over others, than I would have been a persecutor more often, and a victim less often.
As I discussed earlier, I would attempt to trigger others into persecuting me. I would say some hurtful comment to a person who was already struggling to keep their temper. I got quite a kick in doing that to them because it made me feel good about myself. It actually created a high in me to do it. That’s right, Domestic Violence is just like a drug. I just had to have more of it. So I got my fix in triggering persecutors actions by being one myself.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for them because it’s often then other partner egging the behavior on. That doesn’t make what the persecutor does right but the persecutor is not the villain I once thought it was. Below is a flash story I wrote to illustrate:
There once was a girl who lived at home. Her name was Jennifer and she often was home by herself because her parents both were away from home for long hours. She would have to make lunch and dinner for herself and would entertain herself. When her parents did come by, they would often tell her what a dumb girl she was. They also told her to stay in the house and not to go to the forest. They said that the forest was very dangerous. Jennifer was very miserable at home so she hated it there and longed to go to a different place.
Now this forest was nearby enough for Jennifer to see. Jennifer thought that the parents were hiding something wonderful from her in that forest. One day, Jennifer decided to explore the forest. As she entered the forest, she could see that the trees were very tall. There was enough light for the girl to see but it was dark and spooky. Despite knowing this and despite the warning about the forest, she followed a trail further into the forest.
After walking through the forest for a while, Jennifer came across a small, shiny, thing on the ground. Jennifer was excited when she saw the shiny item in the ground, and she moved closer to examine it. As she did so, she heard a noise behind her. When she turned around she felt something hit her in the back. As she felt herself falling to the ground, her hairpin dropped to the ground, and then she blacked out.
A few minutes later, her Dad arrived home and saw that Jennifer was not there. Her Dad was a woodsman. Understanding that Jennifer never left the house, he started to search for her. He tracked her to the same forest that Jennifer did. He walked the same path that Jennifer did when he came upon the same shiny thing in the ground that Jennifer did. He also noticed a pink hairpin on the ground in front of the yet to be identified shiny item. As he saw them he thought “This is a trap.” He stayed where he was at a distance and examined some bushes near the hairpin. There was a rustling and he saw a man run away. He found Jennifer lying on the ground unconscious.
He took Jennifer and took her back to the house. When Jennifer woke up she saw her Father there. She yelled at him, “Why did you get me?! I wanted to get the shiny thing I saw!” Jennifer’s Father answered and yelled back at her, “Didn’t I tell you that it was dangerous in the Forest?!” Jennifer’s Father continued to yell and rant like he did every day to Jennifer. Jennifer said, “Why are you treating me this way? I didn’t do anything wrong!” Finally, Jennifer calmed down and answered, “Yes, you did say that. I shouldn’t have gone there. I don’t know why I did. Jennifer’s Dad answered, “I’m glad I was able to save you, all is well now.” Jennifer nodded and went to bed.
The next day Jennifer returned to the same forest she went to the day before. She continued to lust after the shiny thing in the forest. She continued to put herself in danger and want to go to a different place. Her Father continued to be absent and continued to yell at her. Jennifer continued to hate staying at home and left every chance she could.
In the story, only the damsel repeatedly puts herself in the situation and starts the cycle over and over again. Some villains though, do relish the role they are in. They are often known as bullies. They show up in real life as bosses who have an inferiority complex and/or have rewards dangled in front of them. They have their own motivations, wants, and wishes just as anyone else do. So just as in real life, the cycle repeats itself. If just one person in a relationship ceases acting through the cycle, the whole dance changes. It’s not easy to do, it’s going to be painful, but there can be a happier ending obtained than the sad one that this story has.
Crazy No More 